Its a well known fact that you can’t get on with everybody, but how do you deal with it when someone seemingly hates you for no reason?
My advice to others has always been simple – its their problem not yours, if they have time in their life to interfere in yours they need to look at why they are so interested in you to begin with. And this advice has always been well received. Until it happened to me.
I like to think that I am a friendly person, at least most of the time. I like to think that I always put others ahead of myself. I’m the kind of person who would stop without thinking for a car with its hazards on, or if I found someone unconscious on the street, even though this drives my hubby nuts (as he has reminded me before, they could be a violent drunk/addict!)
I always try to be a good role model to my daughter by using the good manners that my Nana gave me.
So why do I have an enemy?
In an everyday situation this wouldn’t be an issue to me; I’m thick skinned! I can tolerate someone who is ignorant enough to form an opinion before getting to know me. These people usually pass in and out of my life in such a brief space of time that it doesn’t matter, why bother trying to win them round?
But how do you handle it when it is (was) someone close? When its someone that for one reason or another, you can’t turn your back on and think ‘Not my problem’. And when that person thinks that it is ok to voice an opinion on the way you choose to parent, even though they excluded themselves from your life so that they don’t KNOW how you parent? That is not constructive criticism. It is downright rude.
This happened to me a short while back and left me with such a strong mixture of emotions that I felt incredibly overwhelmed.
I grieved for the relationship I had lost – at least until I realised that the relationship had never really existed.
I overly justified myself to people I didn’t need to as I was afraid that their opinion of me had been sullied.
I felt that people were going to be critical of me as a Mum. Of course they weren’t. (I’m an excellent Mum and I realise that now, its the one thing I can and WILL blow my own trumpet about!)
And I festered; I desperately needed closure. That person never gave it me.
I will never know whether she genuinely felt that she had been wronged in some way by me or whether she is just a nasty person. The nice part of me refuses to believe that anyone can have such a level of nastiness. But I have tried enough times to know that I am the bigger person.
So if I got the chance to tell that person how I felt, it would be this.
First and foremost, no one has the right to question my parenting abilities. You are an outsider to my life and that was your own choice. I am the best Mum that my daughter could wish for and when you bring her into it, you are crossing a line that only another mother can ever understand.
When I look around now I see that I’m surrounded by my friends and family while you seem to be losing people from your life left, right and centre. But even after all the nastiness that you have passed on to me, I wish none of it back on you.
I hope you have a long and happy life full of positivity, health and laughter. Whatever your problem is, let is go! Let go of the negativity that surrounds you and makes you look so miserable all the time. Surround yourself with your own life and the people that you love and please, if you do nothing else, just stop being so critical of others around you.
And for now, I think I will take my own advice and realise that I am not the one with the problem.